Kris's Covid Pandemic Blog

My husband's last day of work is Wednesday. Today was a big step. They are shutting the place down...I'll spare you the details...but today was a big step. It hurt. It hurt me and I wasn't there. I'm glad I have pictures of my kids there. I 100% believe that when a door closes God opens a window. This has been true all my life. But doors are easier. This is also true. Then, today, when my kids and I FINALLY got out of the house at 6 p.m. to walk around the block, we ran into our neighbors, the ones behind us, who have the little girl James plays with. They are moving. They aren't moving far, just a mile or so. The kids will see each other. Her cousins are moving into their house...six kids! That's a lot of friends to make. It's going to be okay. But it's not going to be the same. I feel like that is my mantra these days. It's going to be okay. But it's not going to be the same. Media today: today was laundry day which means lots of TV a...

So, where did I leave you? It's been a few days. There's been a lot of night driving to get my smallest friend to sleep. It's 10:30 p.m. right now and he's screaming. This is my life. We got haircuts! And it was lovely. I probably shouldn't even have worried about it. Our hairstylist, who is awesome, spent her closure making masks so she had a big table of them, one per customer while supplies last. James looked so cute in his and when she cut behind his ears he had to hold it over his face. He's a whole new little person now without hair in his eyes...he looks so big. It's a little thing, but it feels really good. I also picked up my new glasses...they are transitions lenses so they are an adjustment and I'm not sure I like that although I like them. Yesterday we went on a...drippy if not rainy and fairly hilly hike with some old friends. Pretty busy trail..it's very hard for me to wear a mask while hiking. I'd say the mask ratio on other hi...

I needed a day where we did as little as possible. Needed it very much. And it's harder to accomplish than it sounds. We watched a movie. I kicked James outside and spent a good chunk of time trying to get Max to nap, eventually succeeding. Watched too much Golden Girls. Ordered pizza for dinner. And you know what? I do feel better. I was feeling so ragged and I do feel a lot better. But the mom guilt is real. I'm starting to think a lot of motherhood is letting yourself off the hook. I laughed at the end credits to Cars with my kids today (Max thinks it's magical that the TV contains Lightning McQueen and will point to it at random intervals and yell "Queen! Queen!" which gets annoying fast.) I cuddled with Max a lot. I ate chocolate and I also ate celery (I love that both of them love veggies...it makes me feel successful. They both also love French Fries, so you do what you can.) I made it a point to snuggle James even when his brother tried to push him off...

Whew, it's been quite the week! And it's Wednesday! Monday we hosted a birthday for my BFF forever and the kids' godmother. It was super fun. We had talked about a backyard campout in my yard, campgrounds still being closed, but at the end of the day no one wanted the hassle and we all decided a campfire would do nicely. We went for a walk in the woods and made many things over a fire and sang songs around it. It was so lovely and I do if I say so myself make the best lemon cake ever. We kept it small...her and two friends plus us in the backyard, still maintaining as much social distance as possible. It's amazing how normal social distancing is starting to feel. It was a long day and a late night for my kids so yesterday they had something of a birthday hangover...watching them bicker while playing was less than fun and no one had the energy to want to do anything, even go for a drive. There's also, as always, the dad factor. In the middle of the birthday fes...

I'm starting this post at noon on Father's Day in hopes of actually finishing it today. The Father's Day PLAN was to do a big celebration of Daddy yesterday (Saturday) and have Grandpa come see us today (Sunday.) But Grandpa told us yesterday afternoon that he doesn't feel up to people and can we do it another day. He always worries me when he says things like that but then I remind myself, he's 80 and every day with him is a gift. He knows his body and his stamina and if he says no people today I need to respect that. When you have an 80 year old father during a global pandemic, what's the point of worrying? You just have to enjoy the days. So I tell myself. I don't always believe myself, but there you go. Anyhow, back to yesterday. Josh wanted to take the kids to the beach because we've been there several times on work days lately and he hasn't been able to go along. So I put the kids in water shoes and me in sandals. The other day, on one ...

To be fair, a month ago I could not have told you when the last day of school *was*, much less if we'd still be teaching then. We did our final Zoom chat. I felt guilty when a postcard arrived from the music teacher that we haven't been to the music Zooms in months, but they are at 3 p.m. and I can't do that. We did what we could and we survived. Wednesday was pick up the stuff day. It was oddly stressful and I cried. We drove through the school parking lot, we had an assigned time and people told us where to go. Daddy was able to go with us because ours was first thing in the day. We handed back the library book and the reading book and were handed a plastic bag full of his work and stuff which I have not had the emotional capacity to open yet. Wednesday was really rough...fortunately a friend who comes from the mom group I had back in the early days when our now 6-year-olds were newborns came in the afternoon and met us for a ramble in the woods, that was DELIGHTFUL and...

In retrospect, I should have spent the time napping myself. I mean, the kid conked out. In his own room. For multiple hours. While James watched more TV than I'm proud of. I mean, okay, he's awake right now, but that is currently Daddy's problem. You know what I did? I talked to friends on facebook...about books! I read. I watched Golden Girls reruns (I needed a better version of bad TV.) And it was...kinda nice, really. We had rest time. We got outside and walked. It was a lot like every day was back when James was this size (before he gave up naps 2 months later, let's not talk about that.) I think my standards for what makes a good day versus a bad day have adjusted. Good days now are...pretty normal. Maybe that's not a bad thing. Maybe we're learning appreciation for what we have. Both Josh and I had the end of school blues...school officially gets out on Friday, with more whimper than bang. In some ways it's kind of nice having a kindergartner...

Today was Social Distance in the Pouring Rain Day. Thank goodness for Grandpa's covered patio. It wasn't exactly fun. It's not fun to sit on a sheltered patio in the pouring rain six feet away from someone. But the kids ran around and threw balls and they loved seeing him...they just adore him...and I liked seeing him as well. Since his 80th birthday party was cancelled in March, this is only the 3rd time we've seen him. In ordinary times we see him at least every two weeks or so if not more. He does look old. This has been hard on him. His mobility issues make walking harder. His neighbors are helping him with a ramp into his house. He had a bad fall a couple of weeks ago that he's mostly recovered from now but it took its toll. I mean, the man is 80 and his already limited social circles have been slashed. But he is still keeping his humor and his overall optimism. Most days. No one is an optimist every day. James brought him an early Father's Day presen...

Maybe it's the masks that make you want to rush it. I did get out and went alone and we did get the door handle covers we needed to try to keep Max safe. I also ordered new glasses...did I mention I broke my glasses this week and have been living in backups...it's been a week. Trip to see Grandpa got cancelled because of rain...again. Going down there tomorrow rain or shine. It's time. Not a lot going on besides that. Low on patience, energy, and creativity. Feeling in need of a restart but not quite sure tonight how to get it. I feel like I have more to say, but I'm not sure I feel up to it tonight. Media consumption: some bad TV. Read another poem in How To Love a Country, that book is MUCH better when I'm not reading it alongside Hillbilly Elegy. More From the Desk of Zoe Washington which keeps getting better, started reading Felon: Poems as an ebook which goes GREAT alongside Zoe Washington. Also started Anne Lammott's Traveling Mercies on audio...I ...

Whew. I would say it's been a hard week except I don't remember an easy one anymore. The good news: Daddy, who has been going in to work every day this week, is home tomorrow and isn't really working at all. Mama, who last night slept with Max because that was the only way he was going to sleep at all, could use the help. Today was a weird day. It started out pouring rain so we had to cancel a scheduled visit with Grandpa. And then it ended sunny and beautiful, so much that James complained about the sun on our walk after dinner. Like...really, dude? Yesterday we swung by our neighborhood bookstore and picked up a book order which I'm hoping is the last one for awhile because the library is planning to let us pick up and drop off very soon. But I focused on Black authors for this order and one of the books was Little Legends: exceptional men in Black history for James. He wasn't super interested. We have Little Leaders, which is the one she did on Black wome...

The less said about today the better. Everybody is alive and got fed. Mama was being snappy. James was being whiny. Mama wished she had parented better. And at one point Max was running around the house with a bottle of baby Motrin. Some days are not winners. Let's just put today to bed. Like my children. Who might in theory be asleep now. At 10 p.m. Anything is possible. I spent some time reflecting on my interactions with police as a white woman and also as a librarian (which is the place where I tend to see them most, which in and of itself says something about my life and privilege.) When people talk about defunding the police, what does that look like to me in my world? Now, let's be super clear. Only the most radical people (and they are entitled to their opinions) want to completely eliminate police departments as they are now and recreate public safety. To most people who are advocating this, defunding the police means fewer resources to armed cops on the streets an...

Our library is part of a 2 county library system with 23 branches. In early 2019, we decided we were going to visit all of them. Plus the bookmobile. I actually stole the idea from a friend I used to work with who had 2 little kids and very little money. She worked in a school, so had even less money in the summer but more time. When I asked her what she was going to do with her kids over the summer she said she took all the city parks and turned them into a bingo card. This is where I realized that community owned assets can and should be a game. When my oldest was a newborn, I made a list of all the state parks that were within a 2 hour drive and we hit as many as possible that first summer. I also just started keeping a running list of local parks and things we hadn't seen. But I had heard stories of people visiting every library in the system and we just decided we were gong to do it. Max was still pretty little (aka easily packable,) and James was only in school three days...

My best friend came up today and we piled the two of us and the kids into a car and went on a road trip. Not a long one. We got some Starbucks, we went to half a dozen little free libraries, we walked through a neighboring downtown, we got some takeout lunch. All fairly standard. We have done much more ambitious things. It felt so weird. We cried when she came into my house and hugged my kids. She lives alone. The number of people she's been able to hug is tiny. They adore her. At one point...after spending the day in the car...we were walking and I had this instinct to pull the kids away from her. I had to remember we are doing this now. Now, Phase 2 is not a free for all. We aren't hanging out close to most people. We plan on going to see Grandpa this week, we will still socially distance from him. We were still working hard to socially distance from people and we didn't walk through the beach park because there were just too many people. A lot of places were open...

Whew. Max not sleeping does not lend itself to lots of blogging. Last night he actually made it to bed at a reasonable hour but then my dear husband and I had a make up date night from Thursday when we were supposed to have date night and he wouldn't sleep. He slept from like 8:45 to 2:15. It was amazing. So I'm back! Reopening is beginning slowly. Most of the area is moving into Phase 2, and while most of us don't *really* know what that means, it's hair cuts and some bar traffic (25%? I think?) and gatherings of up to 5 people who don't live in your house. It's not going to change much but the libraries are making noise about opening for curbside pickup, which would be amazing. This librarian mama may have spent more time than she's proud of today updating library holds lists in optimistic hope of such a thing. But generally it isn't going to change our lives a whole lot. We've done some social distance things in the past couple of days...a fri...

Max started sleeping through the night around the time the quarantine started. He was nineteen months old. Yep, those are the kinds of babies I make. James started sleeping through the night consistently around seventeen months old. Every time I hear of someone whose baby slept through at six (which doesn't happen that often, if I'm honest,) I want to throw things. I guess I should have known at the time that it was too good to last. I think I did know it. But a girl can dream, man. Max has never been a great sleeper. Max was always that baby who needs to be next to a breathing adult human. Getting Max to sleep alone for even a couple of hours was hard and didn't happen until he was close to a year old. In the past couple of weeks, he has figured out that he can open his bedroom door. For some reason, this makes it extra hard for him to fall asleep and means that he will also get up early and come to my room to wake me up. It has been the norm for the past few days th...

Whew. Apparently as life gets crazier blogging every day becomes harder. Maybe that is good? First, the big thing that's on everyone's mind, yes, the protests continue. My sister was headed to one in her state today. We are not but James and I are participating in a virtual prayer vigil on Friday evening which I think will be a door into how best to share this with him. We talked about it a little already when Auntie Katie told him she was going to a protest. Social media is a double edged sword...it is so hard to feel constantly inundated with information and yet I am so grateful that I have access because getting firsthand video from protesters and knowing what is really happening and how much peaceful protesting is going on while the news covers looting is really good. As for the President of the United States tear gassing peaceful protesters so he can take a photo op in front of a church, well...there aren't words for my rage over that one. I feel like I've be...