Day #113: The Art of Doing Nothing
I needed a day where we did as little as possible. Needed it very much. And it's harder to accomplish than it sounds. We watched a movie. I kicked James outside and spent a good chunk of time trying to get Max to nap, eventually succeeding. Watched too much Golden Girls. Ordered pizza for dinner.
And you know what? I do feel better. I was feeling so ragged and I do feel a lot better. But the mom guilt is real. I'm starting to think a lot of motherhood is letting yourself off the hook.
I laughed at the end credits to Cars with my kids today (Max thinks it's magical that the TV contains Lightning McQueen and will point to it at random intervals and yell "Queen! Queen!" which gets annoying fast.) I cuddled with Max a lot. I ate chocolate and I also ate celery (I love that both of them love veggies...it makes me feel successful. They both also love French Fries, so you do what you can.) I made it a point to snuggle James even when his brother tried to push him off. I let them see me read a book (I do that a lot, to be fair. It's good for them.) I folded some laundry.
Not every day has to change the world. Some days you keep them breathing and try to get in some laughs. And you know what? James REALLY didn't want to get kicked outside to play so Max could nap but he had so much fun playing (socially distanced) with our little neighbor Emma. And Max told me he loves Emma, too.
Daddy is off tomorrow. I can't tell you what a relief that is for me, although we are all hoping the job situation resolves soon for Daddy.
I talked to my dad for a little while today and it made me sad. My dad's a pretty conservative guy and he's neither a Trump supporter nor a racist so I'm okay with that, just try to call him out on that casual "I don't mean it" racism that older white people do a lot and I know isn't good. He doesn't like the protesters. He's worried about vigilantes buying guns because they are worried about the protesters, and that's valid. But it's not like him to be so angry about current events. This has him really upset, in the same way my sister who sends me three news links before I wake up everyday seems to be upset by the world. It's like they've both forgotten that they don't control everything. And I'm used to it from her but it makes me sad from him. This period of time has been hard enough on him. I don't want it to make him a bitter old man. There's enough of that in the family, he's usually better at being. a wide angle lens than that.
Today's media consumption, other than all the TV: I finally finished that poetry book How to Love a Country. Not bad. Important questions. I am very close to finishing my 500+ page challenge book Roughing it in the Bush. I should have no trouble finishing it tomorrow. Will be nice to have it read.
Today I'm grateful for: bedtime stories with James, Pixar movies with my kids, Daddy being home tomorrow, pizza, chocolate, celery and peanut butter. sunshine, a comfy chair, and giving myself permission to do nothing. Not even worry. For a few minutes, anyway.
And you know what? I do feel better. I was feeling so ragged and I do feel a lot better. But the mom guilt is real. I'm starting to think a lot of motherhood is letting yourself off the hook.
I laughed at the end credits to Cars with my kids today (Max thinks it's magical that the TV contains Lightning McQueen and will point to it at random intervals and yell "Queen! Queen!" which gets annoying fast.) I cuddled with Max a lot. I ate chocolate and I also ate celery (I love that both of them love veggies...it makes me feel successful. They both also love French Fries, so you do what you can.) I made it a point to snuggle James even when his brother tried to push him off. I let them see me read a book (I do that a lot, to be fair. It's good for them.) I folded some laundry.
Not every day has to change the world. Some days you keep them breathing and try to get in some laughs. And you know what? James REALLY didn't want to get kicked outside to play so Max could nap but he had so much fun playing (socially distanced) with our little neighbor Emma. And Max told me he loves Emma, too.
Daddy is off tomorrow. I can't tell you what a relief that is for me, although we are all hoping the job situation resolves soon for Daddy.
I talked to my dad for a little while today and it made me sad. My dad's a pretty conservative guy and he's neither a Trump supporter nor a racist so I'm okay with that, just try to call him out on that casual "I don't mean it" racism that older white people do a lot and I know isn't good. He doesn't like the protesters. He's worried about vigilantes buying guns because they are worried about the protesters, and that's valid. But it's not like him to be so angry about current events. This has him really upset, in the same way my sister who sends me three news links before I wake up everyday seems to be upset by the world. It's like they've both forgotten that they don't control everything. And I'm used to it from her but it makes me sad from him. This period of time has been hard enough on him. I don't want it to make him a bitter old man. There's enough of that in the family, he's usually better at being. a wide angle lens than that.
Today's media consumption, other than all the TV: I finally finished that poetry book How to Love a Country. Not bad. Important questions. I am very close to finishing my 500+ page challenge book Roughing it in the Bush. I should have no trouble finishing it tomorrow. Will be nice to have it read.
Today I'm grateful for: bedtime stories with James, Pixar movies with my kids, Daddy being home tomorrow, pizza, chocolate, celery and peanut butter. sunshine, a comfy chair, and giving myself permission to do nothing. Not even worry. For a few minutes, anyway.
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