I Don't Know Why I Keep Up on Goodreads

 I've had blog posts open several times over the past couple of weeks open to start writing on and it hasn't happened. I don't really know why. I wouldn't say I've been all that busy or anything, I just keep getting pulled away somehow.

This week was Valentine's Day. Never really my favorite holiday but James had a good time and that's what counts. Lots of candy around. Didn't really know how to prepare him, since it's been awhile since we had a Valentine's Day in school but all's well that ends well. Max and I spent a good chunk of that day wandering around Target. Picked up some little Valentine's Day things for the boys and the things that had been lingering a long time on the Target list.

Things have been kind of meh around here of late. Feeling behind on everything. I have sympathy and birthday cards, all late, sitting in a pile to address and mail. Motivation has been hard to come by. Max and I both seem just kind of emotional and tired this week. Fresh air helps. But lately he's been running away from me in parks which he never used to do and that's hard.

I've gotten back into running which feels really good. It's not much...just a little walk/run around the block, trying to keep my heart healthy, I'm so ridiculously slow you can't imagine. But the endorphin hit helps.

Been hard to find a way to get together with Dad lately. The drive is a lot for him and some days he just feels physically weak and tired. I don't know how we're going to adjust to the new phase with him we all know we are entering but that's how it goes. Time passes.

Today I took Max to the library where I used to work and got to chat with a former colleague. She asked if I've been reading or if I've had the time. I kind of laughed and said that's really all I do. I got to meet one of the new librarians that has been hired since my position was cut. She's very nice and a very good librarian. It's all very fraught for me right now. I miss my job very much and there just doesn't seem to be a right fit job out there for me right now. I've put some things out in the world, not many, but given an effort, and it hasn't happened. Stay at home mom life, while a joy, isn't always super satisfying and it feels like as I try to scope out the job market my years of experience don't seem to matter, especially in a world where resumes get screened by computer.

So yeah. Not happy times or sad times, just meh times and not always much to say. So I have a big stack of picture books to write reviews of. I don't know why I still keep up on it. When I got back into goodreads I was still working and I'd write quick picture book reviews during slow moments on the reference desk for something to do. Now it feels like I'm taking time to do something and who really cares. But sometimes my life feels like that just now. That is the current phase.

I do have a LOT of kids' books. The ALA did their awards a few weeks ago, so there were many award winners to review and discuss. That was fun. I feel like with life like it is right now I have to take my joy in the little moments where I find it.

In addition to picture books, other media consumption. I've been relistening to a lot of West Wing Weekly podcast episodes. There's something comfort food about that. I watched season 2 of The Babysitters Club on Netflix and may go back and watch season one again. As for books, other than a lot of kids books I've kind of been in a reading slump. I read The Last Cuentista, the new Newbery book, after the awards and loved it, I read The Song of Achilles for book group and definitely did not. I'm reading lots of things now...The Secret of the Heart Note, a YA romantic book by Stacey Lee, an author I LOVED last year, the 1975 Newbery winner M.C. Higgins the Great by Virginia Hamilton, the first Black author to win a Newbery, and last night I finished a 1937 children's book by a Harlem Renaissance poet. But nothing is really popping. Today I finished a reread on audio of The War that Saved My Life, that book is always amazing.

Today I'm grateful for libraries, road trips, Internet friends, children's books, poetry, a pencil and legal pad, James hugs, Disney movies, my family, and exercise induced endorphins.

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