Day #140: Thoughts Upon Waking Up from a Nap in the Age of Pandemic

Slept for the second half of Max's nap today (he's never gonna sleep tonight) and this is what ran through my head.

I'm awake. I think. I don't feel good. Uh oh. Why don't I feel good. Hey, there's a virus going around. Do I have it? Who have I been around that I might have passed it to. Wait. That doesn't make sense. My throat is dry. My tummy hurts. I just slept for an hour. I think I just need water. I'm okay. I'm not sick.

That's not a relaxing way to wake up.

I say a lot that I've never *really* been worried about this virus *for me,* mostly about other people. But I've been going through the covers for my thermometer pretty regularly and it does wander through my head...more often than I'd like. It's like...your level of risk doesn't go down. Part of your head gets used to living how we're living and it feels less risky but you know the thing is still out there and people are still getting sick every day.

Today isn't a great day. I mean, it's not an awful day, today is just fine, but some days I just don't wanna do it anymore and I just want my life back. I try to center and be grateful and remember we are okay and then I fail and take a nap with Max. There are worse ways of coping.

Today's media consumption: I'm taking a break from the Left Hand of Darkness today to dive into the graphic memoir Good Talk, which is SO GOOD. I'm also going to try to finish Felon, the poetry collection by Reginald Dwayne Betts and sitting in my pile is the poem For Everyone by Jason Reynolds as well.

Today I'm grateful for rest, family, hugs, books, books, books, and health.

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