Day #300: No Resolutions AKA I Got Called Out on my Priorities Today

This is a long story and I'm not sure how much into the weeds I wanna get so I will try to keep it short.

An old friend and fellow co-worker of mine started a project a couple of years ago...2017, I think, maybe earlier, for sure before Max was born...promoting women's participation in baseball. I said I was happy to help and we had a podcast going for awhile which was taken down because I forgot to pay the hosting on it, so that's on me, I have not always held up my end of the partnership. So these days it's more of a social media presence. I haven't really paid attention to it in...a long time, but I got a notification something that had been posted was blocked by facebook, yadda yadda, so I went in and looked and it was...all very political. Like incredibly left wing political and not baseball related at all. Which, okay, it's not my project, but there were tons of messages from people saying what happened and why didn't you cover this major women in baseball moment, etc. So I messaged my friend and basically said, hey, don't know if you're seeing this, don't know what your plan is but my suggestion would be to either go back to the old content or change the page name and description. 

I want to be clear...she was not unkind to me...I think we are actually on okay terms. But her response was, baseball isn't important right now with everything going on, we are focusing on lifting Black voices and not ourselves, and we have a new moderator (which is weird because facebook still only shows her and I as admins, but whatever, again, not my show.) Apparently, she has tried to change the name but facebook won't allow it.

My response was...okay...that's kind of a bummer, I mean, you created this, you built this (honestly, she has, or at least had, a pretty amazing following for a facebook page she just created one day, those things are hard to build traction on) so if it's doing what you want it to do, awesome. Wish you could change the name of it because I think your branding is confusing people, but sounds like there's nothing you can do about that.

She basically told me that if people are more focused on baseball than social justice who cares. And I was done with the conversation because I felt a tiny bit called out at that point and didn't wish to go further. So I found out how to remove myself as an admin (I am clearly not needed because I wasn't doing it anyway and I'm trying not to hang around facebook all that much, so no hard feelings, just better to bow out.)

What I didn't say but wanted to were 2 things:

First, I don't think creating another social media echochamber is going to help anyone. When you maintain spaces like that you only get people who agree with you anyway and there's no conversation or change happening. If you want to do that, if that's how you want to spend your time, awesome, no skin off my nose, people have all kinds of hobbies. But let's please not pretend it accomplishes anything.

Second, I can be a lot of things. I can be really interested in the involvement of women in baseball and I can think that's important, and I can also care about other social justice issues. The first female general manager in the history of major league baseball was hired in November and that's a big deal if you care about breaking barriers, and it was not covered on this page. Which, okay, I was an admin too at that point, I could have posted it, but if I'm honest I had checked out on this project a long time ago. Which, okay, I have guilt around that, I shouldn't have left my friend holding the bag but I did and she clearly wanted to go in another direction so it's fine. But having the first female general manager in MLB history (she's also a person of color, the second general manager of Asian descent) the same week as we elect the first female vice president in history, these are big things on the social justice front. In my opinion. But the direction she (or the new admin, I'm not clear at this point) has taken this is more of an anti-capitalist, anti-Biden direction. Which, again, is FINE. It's a free country. You can advocate for whatever position you choose and it's not her fault she can't take baseball out of the name, facebook won't let her. But telling me in a private message that this is the only thing I'm supposed to care about...that was annoying. I am a whole, complete human being and I can care about social justice and have opinions on a lot of things. And I think giving people a lot of doors into which they can enter the conversation invites them in rather than shutting out anyone who doesn't agree with you, which is what this does. There's a huge conversation going on right now about trans athletes and a brief was signed by over one hundred female athletes supporting trans women's inclusion in sports. That's a conversation we could and should have on a women in baseball page to advance both social justice and our interest in baseball. 

I think this is my big problem with the progressive left right now. And again, this particular incident is over, the page is what it is, I'm off it now, we all go on to our lives. I'm talking about the bigger issue because this is my blog and I can talk about what I like her for the three of you who are reading and the posterity I'm writing for. It just feels like there's one right answer, one correct opinion, one area of focus allowed and all kinds of things you have to know and words you have to say and if you don't not only are you wrong but you are someone who should be cut out and ignored and are, well, going to hell in a manner of speaking.

There was an article I saw awhile back that REALLY resonated with me about the comparisons between today's progressive left and evangelical Christianity. I was born and raised Christian but not evangelical and in the '90s when evangelicalism took off in a big way I remember being VERY LEFT OUT. To go to a Christian rock concert or youth gathering as a mainline Protestant who had never heard of the Rapture, was baptized as a tiny baby, and thought "born again" was only something old ladies said in the movies made me feel, well, like an outsider. I didn't have the right words. I didn't speak in the right way. I didn't have the correct understanding and in the minds of these people if you don't have that, not only are you not a "real" Christian, but you are GOING TO HELL in a very real way.

The divide between evangelicals and mainline Protestants has only become more contentious since then and I know now to avoid churches with the word Bible in the title and other triggers that these are...not people with whom I share a theology. But here's what life in the faith has taught me: these ARE people with whom I share a faith. And I have to live with that. I may disagree vehemently with their interpretation of Bible passages and I may tell them that. But I don't get to tell them about their faith. It's a personal relationship and at the end of the day it's between them and God. I won't tell them they are going to hell. They might tell me that, but I'm supposed to be better than that. That is the entire effing point.

I feel for the older generation who spent the decades since the 1960s trying not to be racist. They lived through an era where racism was obvious and clear and brutal and real to everyone and they are trying to move beyond that. And I'm not saying racism isn't still real and brutal and all that but there are no more drinking fountain labels. Some things have gotten better. A little bit. And too slowly. And there is a lot more work to do and I do understand that. But to tell someone my dad's age who grew up in a very racist society where lines were very clear and has tried really hard in life to not be that that everything is racist and you are whether you know it or not is a very confusing message. And when you take a personally and try to say, no, I'm not a racist, you have white fragility and aren't listening. I wish there were different words for racists who are people who are the old school call you names sort of racists and then the kind of racism that is baked into the system. Because both are real. But sometimes we forget what that older generation thinks of when they hear the word racist. Because too slowly and not enough things change. But they have changed. 

So yeah, that was a long one. I just needed it off my chest. It stung a little to basically be told that because I might care about these things I am not in the right or woke or progressive or listening or aware or pick whatever word you like. (I REALLY detest the term "woke" but I don't think I'm allowed to say that.) But moving on, fresh start, letting people be themselves, just like I do in mega churches where the theology and ideology are wildly different but Jesus is still Jesus. I wonder what progressives and evangelicals think of being compared to each other. Oh, well.

Speaking of priorities, I am making no new year's resolutions except one: I am going to be gentler on myself in 2021 and treat myself better.

Media...hmmm...did I really just write yesterday??? I'm watching Jingle Jangle on Netflix. So far it's kinda dumb and it gets Christmas carols stuck in my head because the words jingle and jangle are triggering. I finished Lupe Wong Won't Dance and it was so cute. I'm reading The Forgotten Key, an old sci fi book by Alexander something and it's all right. It feels very Giver-ish but not that good.

Today I'm grateful that Josh is making dinner, for friends who get me, a few minutes away, my reading life, disconnections from social media, a chick flick to watch tonight, health, sanity (somewhat) and the approaching end of 2020.