Day #268: Dad

 I don't know what it is about a Thanksgiving where you neither go anywhere nor see anyone that made it so exhausting, but when Dad told me this morning that he was dying to get out of his house and so was going to come to us instead of us dropping food off with him, I wasn't all that disappointed. Not having to drive an hour each way to see him was nice.

The trouble with social distancing at my house rather than his is we don't really have a covered space outdoors so in chancy weather we get wet. And with things as they are, we were not going to hang with him inside. But Mother Nature cooperated with fiftyish degree weather and we sat outside and ate chicken sandwiches and sent him home with a full Thanksgiving feast to heat and eat.

My dad has been honest with the struggles he's had this year. He lives alone and it's lonely. His grandkids are growing up and he doesn't see the older ones like he once did. A lot of how he used to see them was driving around to watch them play sports, now the older ones are transitioning away from competitive sports as they move on to college and even for those still in high school there have been no sports this year. 

The politics, both local and national, have frustrated Dad (and everyone.) There's a lot to be stressed and anxious and angry about and he's had his down days and there have been times we've been irritated with each other like families are.

But I still learn so much from him. He's one of my big heroes. I love how he is with the kids...drawing clear lines about how they need to work hard and follow the rules but also loving them to pieces and being so proud of their small accomplishments and who they are as people. The man is 80 and hard of hearing but he always seems to have enough patience and hearing to listen to them. 

He's been through a ton of loss. Not only has he outlived two wives, but two of his closest and oldest friends in life both died in 2019. And we came very close to losing him four years ago in December when he was in the ICU for pulmonary embolisms. He told me again today he knows what a near death experience feels like. He's been there.

My dad has always been the morbid type...I think I shared here his birthday card to me. I remember when I was younger....not as young as James but not really all that older whenever we'd say goodbye to grandpa or a great aunt at a visit he'd say to me, take a long look and give a good goodbye because you never know when it will be the last time. I remember as a kid thinking that was a very weird thing to say but he was right and that lesson has stayed with me. 

It's really nice to watch his and Max's relationship develop. Max adores him and I took tons of pictures of the two of them today just walking up the street holding hands. I don't know how long we have dad with us...it could be twenty minutes or fifteen years, it's impossible to know. But I know I especially want to preserve photos of their relationship to help Max remember...just in case he has trouble remembering later. James was about the age when my stepmother died that I was when my grandmother died and he doesn't remember her anymore than I remember my grandmother. I only have one picture of my grandmother with me and it's a treasure. James likes looking at pictures of him with Grandma Sandi on Grandpa's phone and he kind of remembers her because he's been told about her and knows that she loved him and read him stories. But he was less than two years old.

Anyway, it was really good to see Dad today. I just like talking to him. Talking to him always grounds me. We don't always agree, but we communicate well. I like that.

I didn't have any other big plans for the rest of the weekend but I had some things I was hoping to do. I feel drained, though, and don't really want to do anything. It's likely too many carbs. Sitting out in the sunshine today helped my mood but not the tiredness so much.

Media consumption: Josh and James broke in the new Nintendo Switch. James is in love. I haven't played yet but I'm thinking a round of Mario Kart tomorrow is in order for sure. Josh and I just finished the finale of the Great British Baking Show. No spoilers but it made me happy. 2020 is so weird. Even watching that finale was a reminder of that. Finished How I Met Your Mother, can't believe I binged that whole sucker again. Finished my Grimm's Fairy Tales book and the latest Vanderbeekers book and started a middle grade novel called The Brave about a boy with OCD who moves from California to Minnesota to live with his Ojibwe mother. It's really good so far. I think it has a hidden code in it.

Today I'm thankful for my dad, my kids, good weather, walks, books, history, comfort books and TV, pie, and my wonderful husband.