Day #58: You're Allowed to Feel That Way
That's something I say to Max a lot. Good mantra for toddlers. It's okay that that is frustrating. It's okay that you are mad. We all have feelings, man.
We might do better if we as adults did that as well. Maybe people could stop saying I/my sister/my neighbor/that guy over there feel tired/scared/sad/lonely/annoyed/overwhelmed and shouldn't. Well, yeah. You should. Feeling is better than not feeling. And this shit is tiring/scary/lonely/annoying/overwhelming and all the things. And everybody's coping mechanisms look different.
I didn't post pictures of my best friend social distance birthdaying with us yesterday because all pictures get scrutinized for how well people are doing at playing by the rules and ain't nobody got time for that. I sent them directly to her to do with what she will.
The brain fog was real today. Birthdays are tiring. There was wet underwear and trying to escape from Zoom meetings. You know. The usual. Got woken up at 6:45 to cries of "I have a balloon!' because of the surprise presents that showed up after he went to bed last night. That's a good thing. Birthdays should last as long as possible.
Tonight is date night. My beloved is picking up food and we are going to watch more Mariners documentary. It sounds just about right. This weekend we are going to try to go...somewhere...and do something. Anything. Different scenery is needed. A drive will do fine.
Today the governor extended the stay at home order to May 31 and I don't even know what to say about that. Still glad it's not my decision? Still hoping it's based on data but kinda not sure about the data we are getting? Kinda concerned that the story has sort of changed from "we should not overwhelm the healthcare system" to "we should get to an infection rate of zero" because that doesn't sound possible? Angry with the protesters and their stupid guns demanding liberty or whatever because they don't realize they make reopening harder? Not willing to share my opinion because whatever it is someone out there will accuse me of being crazy and hating fill in the blank...America, the elderly, my neighbors, my community, science, money, the economy, small businesses, you name it. Yep. All of those. I think a lot of people feel a lot of the kindas. Maybe not. Maybe it's just me.
The parks are still set to reopen Tuesday. I have a friend who is a park employee and she's really scared. I understand that. I'm a public servant, too. I'm not being asked to go back to work...yet. What would I say if I were? I honestly don't know. But it also seems really unfair for us to continue to let the grocery workers and janitors and UPS drivers of the world be the ones who are out there doing all the work making sure the rest of us can stay home. That system is untenable. Sooner or later, stuff has to start to reopen and the parks are a logical place to start. She is afraid of partiers on Cinco de Mayo. That I TOTALLY get. Seems like an easy solution would be to push the opening a day. She is afraid of not being able to see her mom because she has to be working and out there exposed. Her mom is very medically fragile. I get that as well. I have been separated from my dad who is 80 for a long time now. My kids are literally growing up without him week by week and it sucks. A lot.
We didn't go into this with a high level of trust in our leaders and we still don't have it. That is showing. I'm even suspicious of the leadership of politicians in the party I usually support. They are supposed to be pro science and they are but I don't think it's going to be possible for any politician on any side to really not have politics involved in these decisions and that is not a comforting thought. So there is a lot of confusion and my prediction is every decision made at every level over the coming weeks and months is going to be scrutinized by everybody because everybody now thinks of themselves as an infectious diseases specialist. And that is jut gonna add to the stress and tension. How joyful.
In other news, it's the weekend which means no battles over school or trying to keep kids from Daddy so he can work for a couple of days. I started a new book called Flora and Ulysses, written by an author who visited the school I was a librarian at about seven years ago, so reading her work is delightful as is continuing my audiobook which even helped me clean a little today. Josh and I tonight watched a totally bizarre Daniel Radcliffe movie called Swiss Army Man which I don't know what to make of but it's been ages since either of us had the energy to sit and watch and entire movie together and it was thought provoking which I like. And James is in love with Sesame Street so next week in our ongoing efforts to practice letter and number writing we are going to have a letter and number of the day.
Today I'm grateful for Max kisses, which are fairly new and basically the best thing ever, getting outside even though I didn't really want to, book friends on Instagram, reading, Josh, resting, when you finally make things clean, and another day of health.
We might do better if we as adults did that as well. Maybe people could stop saying I/my sister/my neighbor/that guy over there feel tired/scared/sad/lonely/annoyed/overwhelmed and shouldn't. Well, yeah. You should. Feeling is better than not feeling. And this shit is tiring/scary/lonely/annoying/overwhelming and all the things. And everybody's coping mechanisms look different.
I didn't post pictures of my best friend social distance birthdaying with us yesterday because all pictures get scrutinized for how well people are doing at playing by the rules and ain't nobody got time for that. I sent them directly to her to do with what she will.
The brain fog was real today. Birthdays are tiring. There was wet underwear and trying to escape from Zoom meetings. You know. The usual. Got woken up at 6:45 to cries of "I have a balloon!' because of the surprise presents that showed up after he went to bed last night. That's a good thing. Birthdays should last as long as possible.
Tonight is date night. My beloved is picking up food and we are going to watch more Mariners documentary. It sounds just about right. This weekend we are going to try to go...somewhere...and do something. Anything. Different scenery is needed. A drive will do fine.
Today the governor extended the stay at home order to May 31 and I don't even know what to say about that. Still glad it's not my decision? Still hoping it's based on data but kinda not sure about the data we are getting? Kinda concerned that the story has sort of changed from "we should not overwhelm the healthcare system" to "we should get to an infection rate of zero" because that doesn't sound possible? Angry with the protesters and their stupid guns demanding liberty or whatever because they don't realize they make reopening harder? Not willing to share my opinion because whatever it is someone out there will accuse me of being crazy and hating fill in the blank...America, the elderly, my neighbors, my community, science, money, the economy, small businesses, you name it. Yep. All of those. I think a lot of people feel a lot of the kindas. Maybe not. Maybe it's just me.
The parks are still set to reopen Tuesday. I have a friend who is a park employee and she's really scared. I understand that. I'm a public servant, too. I'm not being asked to go back to work...yet. What would I say if I were? I honestly don't know. But it also seems really unfair for us to continue to let the grocery workers and janitors and UPS drivers of the world be the ones who are out there doing all the work making sure the rest of us can stay home. That system is untenable. Sooner or later, stuff has to start to reopen and the parks are a logical place to start. She is afraid of partiers on Cinco de Mayo. That I TOTALLY get. Seems like an easy solution would be to push the opening a day. She is afraid of not being able to see her mom because she has to be working and out there exposed. Her mom is very medically fragile. I get that as well. I have been separated from my dad who is 80 for a long time now. My kids are literally growing up without him week by week and it sucks. A lot.
We didn't go into this with a high level of trust in our leaders and we still don't have it. That is showing. I'm even suspicious of the leadership of politicians in the party I usually support. They are supposed to be pro science and they are but I don't think it's going to be possible for any politician on any side to really not have politics involved in these decisions and that is not a comforting thought. So there is a lot of confusion and my prediction is every decision made at every level over the coming weeks and months is going to be scrutinized by everybody because everybody now thinks of themselves as an infectious diseases specialist. And that is jut gonna add to the stress and tension. How joyful.
In other news, it's the weekend which means no battles over school or trying to keep kids from Daddy so he can work for a couple of days. I started a new book called Flora and Ulysses, written by an author who visited the school I was a librarian at about seven years ago, so reading her work is delightful as is continuing my audiobook which even helped me clean a little today. Josh and I tonight watched a totally bizarre Daniel Radcliffe movie called Swiss Army Man which I don't know what to make of but it's been ages since either of us had the energy to sit and watch and entire movie together and it was thought provoking which I like. And James is in love with Sesame Street so next week in our ongoing efforts to practice letter and number writing we are going to have a letter and number of the day.
Today I'm grateful for Max kisses, which are fairly new and basically the best thing ever, getting outside even though I didn't really want to, book friends on Instagram, reading, Josh, resting, when you finally make things clean, and another day of health.
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