Day #40: Kindergarten on Zoom is THE WORST
So spring break is over and we had to return to whatever the hell school is today.
His Zoom meeting (Monday is language arts) was at 9:30, so we did morning things. He made breakfast, he played with his brother, mama tried to stay in bed as long as possible, you know, the usual. Decided to put him on the laptop today because on the iPad he constantly forgets that he has to hold it in such a way that he is seen. I thought Zoom was installed on the laptop. I was wrong. So at 9:28 I tried to install it which necessitated yelling at my husband for the password while he was in the shower. Got logged in at 9:36 and was told by Zoom that the host had yet to start our meeting. Until 9:50. By that point, he is crying, I am crying, he doesn't want to wait, I don't want to risk closing this meeting and getting kicked out again, he still hasn't eaten breakfast (why?) and my husband, who gets to WAKE UP AFTER 8 AND SHOWER BY HIMSELF, I feel like this is important to point out, says, well, have you emailed the teacher? Which I did and school isn't working on her end. She sent a new link for 10 which worked except he ran away from it crying twice because that's what he does when he gets frustrated. And then it was 10:30.
I know I have said this before, but I am SO CLOSE to just pulling the plug on school and doing something on our own, some kind of homeschooling/unschooling something. I NEVER thought I wanted to be a homeschool mom, but you know what? Some days, watching him all day, I think if we could just chuck everything that is "school" and do our own thing it would be so cool to watch what he could learn.
I know, I get it, this is not the moment when school is shining. It was never meant to work this way, no one could have been adequately prepareed, I do not blame the school or the teachers for any of this, but even before this kindergarten wasn't my favorite thing. My kid didn't like reading. My kid, who has spent his life with a book in his hand, would suddenly come home from school and say I hate reading. WTF?? Kids picked on him, they threw his glasses...I know it's two sided, I know my kid is no angel, but honestly kindergarten wasn't a lot of fun for me. And he doesn't miss it.
Now. It's important to not overreact. He's five. If he went back to school tomorrow there would be a lot about it that he would enjoy. The reason he doesn't miss it has less to do with school itself and more to do with him being five and his world being very immediate because that's how the brain works when you are five. I get that. I understand that.
But I do wonder sometimes. If, after all this is over, we did an actual homeschool year, where there was a curriculum and a plan and things were open so we could take field trips and we maybe even joined the co-op so he could have some classes without me, would homeschool be a successful experiment? Because, bottom line, once we get off Zoom and just start playing with letters and numbers and reading and doing science experiments outside it turns out he LOVES learning this way. And while I'm completely exhausted, I kind of like watching it. It's weird but I think when all this is over I will look back and think, hey, it was fun to get to watch him learn this way. Except not on Zoom.
And, I will be totally honest, I'm lucky if I'm doing half of what is coming from the school We do Zoom because I want him to have that connection to his teacher and the school and I want those kids to sing happy birthday to him on his birthday, to be honest if that weren't coming the instinct to pull the plug would be stronger. But there's a chart and there are activities coming different ways and specialist stuff like the PE teacher and the music teacher...and we aren't doing it. By the time we get outside and run off energy and bake something and read a book and he goes to have screen time and we put Max down for a nap and we get outside again, that is our day. And no one wants to look at anymore screens after that. So we don't. And some days I feel guilty about it and some days I....don't....effing....care.
Under the heading of things I do miss, today marks a month since the libraries closed. I was trying to think today if I had lived through a month without going to a library and the answer is, I don't know that I have. Maybe for a short phase in my early 20s when I was working my first real grownup job in a new town and I didn't have a library card and just read boxes of discarded paperbacks when I was bored at work which was all the time at that job. But a month without the library is very not me. Fortunately, I have lots of books and have been able to keep reading, but I miss libraries so much. I miss the having somewhere to go when things were falling apart at home...we could always find a library to visit. I miss spontaneous book grabbing and I miss my close relationship with my holds list. I just miss it. I've been getting digital Harry Potter audiobooks so my relationship with the library lives on but I miss it. I would love to work. I'd love a four hour desk shift right now, even if someone wanted to use the microfiche machine and there was a conspiracy theorist and I had to throw someone out of the bathroom for washing their hair. I'd take it. I miss the library.
The weather has been gorgeous, though, and there are bubbles to blow. We took a family walk today, that was awesome, and my kids are so cuddly. We are doing okay. We are survivors.
James had a deep moment today when he kind of realized he is living through history but maybe I will talk more about that tomorrow. My husband wants to watch Community and I love him. And it.
Today I'm grateful for Max hugs, when I get to snuggle them both at the same time, deep conversations with James, that Zoom meetings are short, when we recover and like each other again, flipping Max on the lawn, family walks, books, baking, health, and sunshine.
His Zoom meeting (Monday is language arts) was at 9:30, so we did morning things. He made breakfast, he played with his brother, mama tried to stay in bed as long as possible, you know, the usual. Decided to put him on the laptop today because on the iPad he constantly forgets that he has to hold it in such a way that he is seen. I thought Zoom was installed on the laptop. I was wrong. So at 9:28 I tried to install it which necessitated yelling at my husband for the password while he was in the shower. Got logged in at 9:36 and was told by Zoom that the host had yet to start our meeting. Until 9:50. By that point, he is crying, I am crying, he doesn't want to wait, I don't want to risk closing this meeting and getting kicked out again, he still hasn't eaten breakfast (why?) and my husband, who gets to WAKE UP AFTER 8 AND SHOWER BY HIMSELF, I feel like this is important to point out, says, well, have you emailed the teacher? Which I did and school isn't working on her end. She sent a new link for 10 which worked except he ran away from it crying twice because that's what he does when he gets frustrated. And then it was 10:30.
I know I have said this before, but I am SO CLOSE to just pulling the plug on school and doing something on our own, some kind of homeschooling/unschooling something. I NEVER thought I wanted to be a homeschool mom, but you know what? Some days, watching him all day, I think if we could just chuck everything that is "school" and do our own thing it would be so cool to watch what he could learn.
I know, I get it, this is not the moment when school is shining. It was never meant to work this way, no one could have been adequately prepareed, I do not blame the school or the teachers for any of this, but even before this kindergarten wasn't my favorite thing. My kid didn't like reading. My kid, who has spent his life with a book in his hand, would suddenly come home from school and say I hate reading. WTF?? Kids picked on him, they threw his glasses...I know it's two sided, I know my kid is no angel, but honestly kindergarten wasn't a lot of fun for me. And he doesn't miss it.
Now. It's important to not overreact. He's five. If he went back to school tomorrow there would be a lot about it that he would enjoy. The reason he doesn't miss it has less to do with school itself and more to do with him being five and his world being very immediate because that's how the brain works when you are five. I get that. I understand that.
But I do wonder sometimes. If, after all this is over, we did an actual homeschool year, where there was a curriculum and a plan and things were open so we could take field trips and we maybe even joined the co-op so he could have some classes without me, would homeschool be a successful experiment? Because, bottom line, once we get off Zoom and just start playing with letters and numbers and reading and doing science experiments outside it turns out he LOVES learning this way. And while I'm completely exhausted, I kind of like watching it. It's weird but I think when all this is over I will look back and think, hey, it was fun to get to watch him learn this way. Except not on Zoom.
And, I will be totally honest, I'm lucky if I'm doing half of what is coming from the school We do Zoom because I want him to have that connection to his teacher and the school and I want those kids to sing happy birthday to him on his birthday, to be honest if that weren't coming the instinct to pull the plug would be stronger. But there's a chart and there are activities coming different ways and specialist stuff like the PE teacher and the music teacher...and we aren't doing it. By the time we get outside and run off energy and bake something and read a book and he goes to have screen time and we put Max down for a nap and we get outside again, that is our day. And no one wants to look at anymore screens after that. So we don't. And some days I feel guilty about it and some days I....don't....effing....care.
Under the heading of things I do miss, today marks a month since the libraries closed. I was trying to think today if I had lived through a month without going to a library and the answer is, I don't know that I have. Maybe for a short phase in my early 20s when I was working my first real grownup job in a new town and I didn't have a library card and just read boxes of discarded paperbacks when I was bored at work which was all the time at that job. But a month without the library is very not me. Fortunately, I have lots of books and have been able to keep reading, but I miss libraries so much. I miss the having somewhere to go when things were falling apart at home...we could always find a library to visit. I miss spontaneous book grabbing and I miss my close relationship with my holds list. I just miss it. I've been getting digital Harry Potter audiobooks so my relationship with the library lives on but I miss it. I would love to work. I'd love a four hour desk shift right now, even if someone wanted to use the microfiche machine and there was a conspiracy theorist and I had to throw someone out of the bathroom for washing their hair. I'd take it. I miss the library.
The weather has been gorgeous, though, and there are bubbles to blow. We took a family walk today, that was awesome, and my kids are so cuddly. We are doing okay. We are survivors.
James had a deep moment today when he kind of realized he is living through history but maybe I will talk more about that tomorrow. My husband wants to watch Community and I love him. And it.
Today I'm grateful for Max hugs, when I get to snuggle them both at the same time, deep conversations with James, that Zoom meetings are short, when we recover and like each other again, flipping Max on the lawn, family walks, books, baking, health, and sunshine.
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