Day #38: A Social Distancing Easter Visit
I think one of the things that is super exhausting about this is the amount of decisions you have to make. Is this activity safe? Can we minimize risk or should we just skip it? What do we say to others and what do we just do on our own without having to make rules for others.
Today we delivered Grandpa some Easter ham and baked goods. It went as planned. We sat on his porch and talked to him for a few minutes, walked to the end of the street, and then sat in his backyard and ate ice cream sandwiches. All from a distance. No contact. No playing with toys. No going inside. All within the rules.
But this is the kind of thing that has been very controversial. Hanging out with people ever for any reason even from a distance is the kind of thing that for some people is sanity saving and some people can't believe you would even take the risk.
I feel like I made a thousand tiny decisions and it was exhausting. Wear the masks? No, they are still dirty from yesterday's ham adventure and haven't been washed yet. But then you wonder...is a dirty mask better than no mask at all? Went with no mask and second guessed ourselves. Max tried to hug grandpa, had to pull him away, then Max got upset and didn't want to talk to Grandpa. Too scarring for him or was it worth it? James was SO nervous and obnoxious the entire ride down there and then on the way home was like, I'm glad I got to see grandpa. Of course his behavior is all over the place. He didn't know what to expect. He had big feelings about it and didn't know how to express them.
Bottom line, no regrets. Grandpa got to see them he's seen them exactly twice since February 21 and both times from a distance. He gets to have some Easter food tomorrow, a little taste of what it would have been like if he were here, which of course he would have been, that was the plan. I genuinely don't think he's going to get sick now that he's doing better at following the rules but if he does...well, if he does I will be grateful that we got to see him. We will get to see him this summer and hug him and roast marshmallows with him, but for today we are still family and doing our very best. We won't do these visits incredibly often...this was the second one, last time he came to us and didn't stay more than five minutes. I know they are a risk so this really was a one time thing. I don't know. You hear me talking about both sides of this, don't you? The no regrets side and the please cut every risk you can side. It is constant. That push and pull is constant. Maybe for some people it really is easy, they draw their lines and pull up their drawbridge and wait it out. For me it hasn't been easy. But I do know some things. I know what it's like to have a parent die on you suddenly. I know what it's like to not be incredibly happy about the way you spent what turned out to be your last day with someone. I know that there aren't any guarantees of tomorrow so today has to count. And that informs the way I live my life. Maybe sometimes makes me not risk averse enough. I don't know.
Every day I say it and every day it's true: I'm doing the best I can.
Today I'm grateful for books, audiobooks, my husband, stupid Mariners documentaries, hugs from my boys, my dad, Easter, and health.
Today we delivered Grandpa some Easter ham and baked goods. It went as planned. We sat on his porch and talked to him for a few minutes, walked to the end of the street, and then sat in his backyard and ate ice cream sandwiches. All from a distance. No contact. No playing with toys. No going inside. All within the rules.
But this is the kind of thing that has been very controversial. Hanging out with people ever for any reason even from a distance is the kind of thing that for some people is sanity saving and some people can't believe you would even take the risk.
I feel like I made a thousand tiny decisions and it was exhausting. Wear the masks? No, they are still dirty from yesterday's ham adventure and haven't been washed yet. But then you wonder...is a dirty mask better than no mask at all? Went with no mask and second guessed ourselves. Max tried to hug grandpa, had to pull him away, then Max got upset and didn't want to talk to Grandpa. Too scarring for him or was it worth it? James was SO nervous and obnoxious the entire ride down there and then on the way home was like, I'm glad I got to see grandpa. Of course his behavior is all over the place. He didn't know what to expect. He had big feelings about it and didn't know how to express them.
Bottom line, no regrets. Grandpa got to see them he's seen them exactly twice since February 21 and both times from a distance. He gets to have some Easter food tomorrow, a little taste of what it would have been like if he were here, which of course he would have been, that was the plan. I genuinely don't think he's going to get sick now that he's doing better at following the rules but if he does...well, if he does I will be grateful that we got to see him. We will get to see him this summer and hug him and roast marshmallows with him, but for today we are still family and doing our very best. We won't do these visits incredibly often...this was the second one, last time he came to us and didn't stay more than five minutes. I know they are a risk so this really was a one time thing. I don't know. You hear me talking about both sides of this, don't you? The no regrets side and the please cut every risk you can side. It is constant. That push and pull is constant. Maybe for some people it really is easy, they draw their lines and pull up their drawbridge and wait it out. For me it hasn't been easy. But I do know some things. I know what it's like to have a parent die on you suddenly. I know what it's like to not be incredibly happy about the way you spent what turned out to be your last day with someone. I know that there aren't any guarantees of tomorrow so today has to count. And that informs the way I live my life. Maybe sometimes makes me not risk averse enough. I don't know.
Every day I say it and every day it's true: I'm doing the best I can.
Today I'm grateful for books, audiobooks, my husband, stupid Mariners documentaries, hugs from my boys, my dad, Easter, and health.
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