Day #19: Nothing Fits, not even the Bike
Nothing slid into place today. Some days are like this, where either you are out of step or the world is or both. The world for sure is.
The numbers stuck in my head today. They are starting to get very real. We now have over 2,000 people in Washington state confirmed to have this disease and over 100 of them have died. In less than a month. That's pretty staggering and it is not going to get better anytime soon. So I had trouble getting those numbers out of my head and being in the moment today.
Kid entertainment was a bust today. We did our typical walk in the woods and struggled again with the social distancing. We weren't in a place where there were a lot of people but the few people we did run into one of two situations played out: me desperately trying to keep my kids from getting too close to people or people wanting so much to introduce their dogs to my kids that they got too close to us. Trying to be forgiving of ourselves and others, it's hard. Then we went on one of our mini-road trips, mainly to get Max to nap which is so hard with big brother home. James needed a writing lesson so we wrote a list of things for him to look for while out driving and did a "car scavenger hunt" which he literally complained about the entire way. Came home, did some screens, and then James set up a...something...I still don't understand what this game was but it involved drawing scoreboards with sidewalk chalk and gluing sticks together for the dog to run away with. That kid, man. He's an activity creating machine. I mean, they make no sense, but since he's the one who needs to be entertained maybe I should take the hint and stop being Julie the Cruise Director and just follow his lead more. I'm fairly certain my big lesson from this is supposed to be about relinquishing control. Something I am so not good at.
Speaking of things over which I have no control, in the middle of all this I'm checking messages from my 80 year old father. He leaves me a scary sounding message...call me right away, I need you as an emergency contact. So I get in touch with him and he's at the post office renewing his passport. Like you do. The world is on lockdown...where does he think he's going to go??? We are all trying to protect him from this and as usual he's worried about everyone except himself. I swear, I didn't even have the energy to lecture him about staying home. I left it to my sister and supported her with a follow-up text. So once again worried about him and hoping beyond hope he doesn't get sick. I know there's a limit to how much control I have of this situation. The man has a history of pulmonary embolism, he does not need to get a lung destroying disease. I can tell him he should stay home, offer to do stuff for him, help him get stuff delivered if he needs it but bottom line if he wants to go out he's gonna and I have to release control. See above.
And that was my day. Watched some Mr. Rogers. My in-laws got to watch my kids not follow directions on video chat so James went to bed without leftover cake. The governor declared a stay at home order this evening. I don't think it's gonna have too much impact on us personally...it seems to be basically what we've been doing. I know it's gonna be hard on some people. Maybe it will get my dad to stay home. I doubt it. It will probably close some of our parks where we've been walking. Walking is sanity saving. We will need to find new places to walk.
Oh, yes, and the bikes. I suggested a walk late this afternoon. I put Max on the little push trike, because walking with him on the street is a challenge. He does not want to be carried and does not want to hold hands. So of course James wants to be on a bike, too, except he doesn't have one. He has an old rusty trike he's too big for and a balance bike he's way to big for. We've been saying we should get him a bike for his birthday in April...don't know how to do that now, with everything closed, wanted to do it in person so we could size it right but life is not in person just now. He rode the damn balance bike and just kept falling over. We finally had to have a goodbye bike ceremony and give him some closure on the fact that the bike really doesn't fit him anymore. He was so upset. It is so hard to be the big kid. He is having so much fun with this most of the time until he runs into the barriers of life and today it was a big one...no bike that fits. He just lay by the road tangled up in his balance bike sobbing and man did I know what that feels like. Nothing fits in my world right now ether, kiddo. I am an out of place gear. Everything is pushing me the wrong way. Tomorrow is another day. Maybe it will be a gentler one on James and I. My big hope is that it will be another healthy one for Grandpa.
Today I'm grateful for my James and all his wonderful creativity and sensitivity, Mr. Rogers, drive through tacos, my dad being here on this planet so I can be frustrated with him, song birds, sitting outside in the sun and wind, bubbles, taking a deep breath, Daddy getting the baby to sleep, reading, and coffee. And health. Health for everyone. I hope I never take health for granted.
The numbers stuck in my head today. They are starting to get very real. We now have over 2,000 people in Washington state confirmed to have this disease and over 100 of them have died. In less than a month. That's pretty staggering and it is not going to get better anytime soon. So I had trouble getting those numbers out of my head and being in the moment today.
Kid entertainment was a bust today. We did our typical walk in the woods and struggled again with the social distancing. We weren't in a place where there were a lot of people but the few people we did run into one of two situations played out: me desperately trying to keep my kids from getting too close to people or people wanting so much to introduce their dogs to my kids that they got too close to us. Trying to be forgiving of ourselves and others, it's hard. Then we went on one of our mini-road trips, mainly to get Max to nap which is so hard with big brother home. James needed a writing lesson so we wrote a list of things for him to look for while out driving and did a "car scavenger hunt" which he literally complained about the entire way. Came home, did some screens, and then James set up a...something...I still don't understand what this game was but it involved drawing scoreboards with sidewalk chalk and gluing sticks together for the dog to run away with. That kid, man. He's an activity creating machine. I mean, they make no sense, but since he's the one who needs to be entertained maybe I should take the hint and stop being Julie the Cruise Director and just follow his lead more. I'm fairly certain my big lesson from this is supposed to be about relinquishing control. Something I am so not good at.
Speaking of things over which I have no control, in the middle of all this I'm checking messages from my 80 year old father. He leaves me a scary sounding message...call me right away, I need you as an emergency contact. So I get in touch with him and he's at the post office renewing his passport. Like you do. The world is on lockdown...where does he think he's going to go??? We are all trying to protect him from this and as usual he's worried about everyone except himself. I swear, I didn't even have the energy to lecture him about staying home. I left it to my sister and supported her with a follow-up text. So once again worried about him and hoping beyond hope he doesn't get sick. I know there's a limit to how much control I have of this situation. The man has a history of pulmonary embolism, he does not need to get a lung destroying disease. I can tell him he should stay home, offer to do stuff for him, help him get stuff delivered if he needs it but bottom line if he wants to go out he's gonna and I have to release control. See above.
And that was my day. Watched some Mr. Rogers. My in-laws got to watch my kids not follow directions on video chat so James went to bed without leftover cake. The governor declared a stay at home order this evening. I don't think it's gonna have too much impact on us personally...it seems to be basically what we've been doing. I know it's gonna be hard on some people. Maybe it will get my dad to stay home. I doubt it. It will probably close some of our parks where we've been walking. Walking is sanity saving. We will need to find new places to walk.
Oh, yes, and the bikes. I suggested a walk late this afternoon. I put Max on the little push trike, because walking with him on the street is a challenge. He does not want to be carried and does not want to hold hands. So of course James wants to be on a bike, too, except he doesn't have one. He has an old rusty trike he's too big for and a balance bike he's way to big for. We've been saying we should get him a bike for his birthday in April...don't know how to do that now, with everything closed, wanted to do it in person so we could size it right but life is not in person just now. He rode the damn balance bike and just kept falling over. We finally had to have a goodbye bike ceremony and give him some closure on the fact that the bike really doesn't fit him anymore. He was so upset. It is so hard to be the big kid. He is having so much fun with this most of the time until he runs into the barriers of life and today it was a big one...no bike that fits. He just lay by the road tangled up in his balance bike sobbing and man did I know what that feels like. Nothing fits in my world right now ether, kiddo. I am an out of place gear. Everything is pushing me the wrong way. Tomorrow is another day. Maybe it will be a gentler one on James and I. My big hope is that it will be another healthy one for Grandpa.
Today I'm grateful for my James and all his wonderful creativity and sensitivity, Mr. Rogers, drive through tacos, my dad being here on this planet so I can be frustrated with him, song birds, sitting outside in the sun and wind, bubbles, taking a deep breath, Daddy getting the baby to sleep, reading, and coffee. And health. Health for everyone. I hope I never take health for granted.
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